Why I stopped blogging

12.01.2018


Okay, so you may or may not have noticed that over the past year I've only published seven blog posts, my Instagram has been mostly old content and my YouTube non-existent. In short, I gave up blogging.

The truth is that there have been numerous factors as to why I'm not so engaged on the Interweb anymore and why a few months ago I was just going to delete everything all together.

This blog (and subsequent social media platforms) has been (for the past 5 years) my favourite hobby, a creative outlet I much needed and (rather hilariously, considering the questionable OOTD's on here) the pathway into my career as a fashion journalist.

So, in case you wanted to know (and are still here with me, cos LOL I've lost a lot of followers due to my hiatus) here are the reasons why I took a style blogging sabbatical, as well as a little bit of a ramble:


1. I got a new job 


Probably the first and foremost reason why I've been so silent is that I got a new job.

For two years prior I had been freelance, living the life of 9am weekday lie-ins, plenty of time to shoot looks with photographers, create content and go to influencer events etc. My income was a mixture of being a writer, micro influencer and presenter.

However, last October I got my first full-time job. Firstly, let me answer the question of 'why?'. Basically, I went freelance purely by fluke when I left uni, I was just doing unpaid internships (as ya do to get into fashion) when I got a writing job as a blogger, then thanks to my amazing, supportive boss's (who I can never thank enough) this slowely progressed to me becoming a journalist, where I would work a shift (from home, often in my dressing gown and with my snoring pup next to me) 5 days a week.

Oh the good days!




But to be quite honest, even though I was freelance (which means you gotta have some skill in order for editors to hire you out of the hundreds) I still felt like a fraud and that I was just on a lucky streak that was going to end at any moment.

You see, I hadn't ever studied journalism, English etc. My A levels were in drama, media and art and I had a Bsc in Film and Television Production. Not to mention, dyslexia, where back in secondary school I hadn't got into a school because they thought I wasn't going to even pass my maths or english GCSE. Even when I was 17, my media teacher had a massive A3 piece of paper on her classroom wall with 'their, there and they're' on it especially for me. Thank goodness I got through the numerous levels of education due to creative mediums such as film, art etc.

I had been told my whole life that writing was not for me and that I was in fact very, very bad at it. And yet, it was my main source of income!? 

What the actual F!? 

It just didn't add up to me.




So, in short, although I loved life as a freelancer and rather hilariously earn't around the same amount as I do now, I wanted to go in-house somewhere to give myself more confidence in my abilities, as well as obviously have more financial security month-to-month.

A year on, and the job has been invaluable. Not only have I worked incredibly hard to constantly improve my skills (like I now know how apostrophes actually work LOL) - but I also now know that I'm actually a damn good fashion journalist, my old writing work makes me cringe beyond belief, plus, my video and creative background are actually incredibly valuable in digital journalism- which makes paying off that student debt a little sweeter.




Anyway obviously this full-time job has mean't I have no time to create content, I know that lots of bloggers work 2 jobs at once and I applaud them. Because my commute sees me get up at 5.30am and get home around 6.30-7pm - and tbh - I'm just knackered. And on the weekends the last thing I want to do is go back into town to shoot (I mostly just want to sleep), or write some more when I've written over 650 articles in the past year.

But,  watch this space, because 2019 should see Sabs finally in London town!


2. Mental health 





I've now become somewhat of a mental health activist in my friendship group because of what I've gone through over the past year. I think it's SO important to talk about mental health, because if someone is going/ has gone through similar then they know that they're not alone. Or, in contrast if someone still has some sort of stigma about it/ doesn't understand it because they've never gone through it, then you can educate them. And for me, I find it quite therapeutic/ healing as well to talk about what I've experienced.

I'm not going to go into it too much because, to be honest, I don't have a diagnosis because I haven't had the counselling I need yet (I'm working on it).  And to that end, I'm also very careful not to sensationalize anything surrounding mental health.

All I can tell you is that a lot of change happened at once as well as something emotionally distressing and I was suddenly hit with severe anxiety that consumed me (shout out to the propranolol that did sweet FA).



Every day was an inexplicable exhausting struggle.  

I suffered from constant panic, sickness, I couldn't eat. My weight plummeted to nearly 6-stone-something. I couldn't sleep. Socialising was a no-go. The light went out and for a good 8 months I was just a empty shell of my former self.

I've had no interest in expressing myself through clothes etc, I lost my personal style, I lost myself, and now I'm trying to piece it all slowly back together. 

I don't know how/ what got me out of the darkness but a year on, the colour is slowly starting to come back - I can feel it - my friends can see it - and I've never felt more relieved and grateful. 




So, I hope that explains it a bit. 

For myself I'm going to start trying to get my blogging mojo back, even if that's just with Instagram pics and stories because it was an important way for me to showcase self-expression and something I would love to get back to.

It may be slow and sporadic (and probably just on Instagram for the time being) but Sabs is attempting a comeback.



These pics were taken early 2018, when for a fleeting moment I felt vibrant AF thanks to Good Dye Young poser paste. 

When I visited Nashville over the summer I interviewed Hayley and Brian about their hair and self care venture - you can read it here. Given the topic of this blog post and their brands amazing ethos I thought the pics were a good fit. 

2 comments

  1. I loved this post Sabs! I know how shit it can be when everything is grey but know your posts have also brought colour into my life. Can’t wait to read, see and hear more from you in 2019 ❤️ You’ve always been a star!

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  2. Sending you so much love Sabs!! You can be so proud of your shift from freelance to "9-to-5" and all the personal developments you've gone through! Love following along and hope we get to catch up so very soon again <3 lots of love to Lu & your mom!! Anoushé xox

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